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Fade

by Casey

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1.
Teeth 04:30
I don’t need you like you think I do I just want you here tonight, I know this might sound crazy but my head it just don’t feel right. I miss your bones buried beneath my sheets, my voice shakes when I try to speak, your name is stitched into my teeth and every time I talk I feel you there. Every night the floorboards creak outside my bedroom door. 18 months of losing sleep because your host has been pacing in the halls. I know they say time heals all wounds but when will it heal mine? ‘Cause I’m sick of waiting for you to bring me back my peace of mind. I still miss you like the moon misses the warm kiss of the sun when the earth dances between them and steals away it’s love. I asked how long you’d be gone and you said “as long as it takes”. And I was always so impatient with our love, but I swore I’d wait. I’m tired of living in the fear that one day you’ll come back and after all these years, I won’t be able to look you in the face and say “I've let you go”. ‘Cause yours is the only love I've ever known.
2.
Fade 03:20
The emptiness I harboured in the questions that I asked was almost palpable, it tasted like the soft skin on your back. And when I said “where did you go?” what I meant was “since you left, I have haven’t had the chance to hate you nearly half as much as I've hated myself”. We were in love, at least that’s what I came to call it, I was never really quite sure if it was; because in growing up the hardest lesson learned is just because you love someone, it doesn't mean they love you in return. I always thought you’d fade when I buried you and me, but on our grave a bed of flowers bloomed; and now each day you grow more beautiful as I’m left to decay. I guess it’s true that some things never change. It’s been quite a long time now but I’m still so weak. I found a bliss in my ignorance until ignorance found hell in me. When I said “where did you go?” what I meant was “Since you left I haven’t had the chance to hate you half as much as I loved you then”. It’s been a long time now, but I still spend my nights laying away. The kind of tired that sleep wouldn't shake, the kind of empty that fills the entire space in my chest cavity where I tried to keep you safe; but you escaped. It’s been quite a long time now but I’m still so weak. I found a bliss in my ignorance until ignorance found hell in me. When I said “where did you go?” what I meant was “Since you left I haven’t had the chance to hate you half as much as I loved you then”.
3.
Hell 02:54
I know I promised not to call but I left so much unsaid, and you barely said a word at all but I knew exactly how you felt. How fast did we decay? Cause I remember falling into love but never out again. It felt like one day I woke up and we weren’t there, we'd lay our bones in the same bed at night, but our love had disappeared. Lonely is as lonely does, sink beneath the bed sheets, drowning in the thought of us, a bloodless vessel, empty. Toothless, I've been thinking of a way to let you know, hell is loving you in my sleep and waking up alone. I guess I just couldn't bring myself to face the fact that maybe we were never what I wanted us to be. Maybe the love that we had made was not the beautiful home I always imagined that we had built. Because you were the light of my life, but no matter how brightly you shone the shadow you cast was never dark enough to cancel out the glare. Maybe I would have left sooner if I could have seen it then, maybe you were never there. You never saw it as us, only ever you and me. You were the blood in my veins, you only came to watch me bleed. Our love set me on fire, and you stood and watched me burn. You told me once you couldn't love me, but I guess I'll never learn. Lonely is as lonely does, I sink beneath the bed sheets, drowning in the thought of us, a bloodless vessel, empty. Toothless, I've been thinking of a way to let you know, hell is loving you in my sleep and waking up alone

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released May 1, 2015

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Casey Wales, UK

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